Learning to Say “No”

Learning to say “no” is something that’s relatively new in my life. In fact, it’s something that I’m actively working on right now. Saying “no” is more of a topic for having and finding balance in your life. It might not always be a “no” conversation, but instead a “just not right now” conversation. I want to point out, that I’m not an expert on the topic. However, I want to share some of my experiences and concepts that I’ve learned in order to help you on your journey for find balance.

I’m going to give you some background on my past to hopefully shed some light on why this is an essential practice in my life. I grew up with a solid work ethic, which I’m very proud of (thank you, mom & dad!). I worked a full-time job in order to put myself through college full time. Straight out of college, like most people, I worked extremely hard to move ahead quickly. I was supporting myself, which was difficult, but I honestly believe that helped make me who I am today (which is amazing, duh)

In order to move up the corporate ladder, I was very willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead. I worked extra hours, so much that I would work as soon as I got home and into the night (not to mention weekends). This workload affected so many parts of my life that I was unaware of at the time. It affected my relationships with my significant other, family, and friends. Not to mention, I had no personal or self-care time and was unable have any outside of work passions. I was a workaholic.

The lifestyle I was living, although effortless in my 20’s, was not sustainable when I got older. As time went on, I started to lose some of my drive for my job, most likely from being burnt out from working so much. It was when I got older that I started to get it. I started appreciating the value of my relationships with people and especially myself. So I began to reflect on what I’m passionate about as well as what I find important. My goals and values changed from “get ahead” to “be happy and fulfilled.”

So I had to rethink some things in my life. For starters, I’m not superwoman. I mean, I’m kinda fabulous but there’s only one of me and 24 hours in a day, I can’t do everything, which I guess that means I’m human. I’ve outlined some essential elements to help me learn to say “no” and drive balance in my life.

Know Your Goals

Understand what your goals and values now, which will evolve. It could be health and fitness, quality time with your family, education, career or a combination. For my goals, I want to have time for myself, my passions such as blogging, and experiences. Spending time on my relationships is also essential as well as be able to have a career that supports my morals and values.

Prioritize

Once you have your goals and values, you need to prioritize them. Remember, there’s only one of you, so you have to be able to manage your time. Determine which of your goals is the most important to the least important. I know all of your goals are a priority, but this will help you stay organized when making future decisions.

Find Your Balance

Next, you have to find your balance with your goals. Determine what percentage of your time you will spend on each goal. Don’t forget to factor sleep into your equation. You might find that you have way too many goals and that there’s just not enough time to focus on each. Remember, if you’re spread too thin, then you won’t be able to focus on any specific goal.

Saying “No”

If you find that you have way too many goals, you will have to say “no” or “not now” to some of them. You’ve already decided on your capacity, so try to stick to it. For example, if your work (or someone else) wants to give you extra tasks; think to yourself “what am I going to give up if I take this on” and “is it worth giving up another goal.” If you’ve only given yourself a work capacity of 40 hours a week, then you have a couple of options. The first being, take on the work and drop a personal goal from your priority list. The second is to stick to your priority list and determine what other projects you will not take on at work.

I will tell you from experience; this is a difficult conversation. Especially if it’s your boss requesting more time. The conversation should be “Sure; I can do this project. Here’s a list of my other projects, which do you want me to put on hold.” This way, it’s showing them that you’re at max capacity as well as giving them a chance to determine which is the most critical project. If you’re self-employed, then it’s your call, but the conversation should still be the same.

Speak Up For Yourself

Being able to speak up for yourself and your time is important. It could be a boss, coworker, friend or family member who is requesting your time. You have to remind yourself if it falls in line with your priorities. If you decide to take more on your plate, then you will have to reprioritize. Be sure to communicate your goals as well, so everyone is on the same page and respects your time.

Now, let’s be clear, I’m not saying don’t work hard because I still work my ass off. I’m indicating make sure you work hard at the ideas that you find essential in your life. This process has helped me keep alignment with my goals and time. Learning how to say “no” is one of the hardest concepts for me to understand. Just know, that it’s okay to say “no” or “not now” as long as it makes sense in your life.

Outfit Details

Express dress | Asos beret | Sole Society bag| Steve Madden booties | H&M tights

 

This article is not sponsored by any of the brands mentioned above. However, some of the links may contain affiliate links which may generate revenue for the site when clicked, or when a purchase occurs. The information in this post is my thoughts and preferences.

Photos by @cristaltapp